Art Speaks Louder Than Words

Source: Houzz.com

Just exactly what message are you sending your guests before they even sit down?

If These Walls Could Talk

JANET: So whaddaya think of this??
JOY: Shhh-- you're supposed to be quiet in church!
JANET: Relax. It’s not a church.
JOY: Seriously? 'Cuz it looks like a church.
JANET: Nope. It's the entry way to Cher’s 'Italian Renaissance-style' home.
JOY: Well, it's kinda Cher-ish.
JANET: Just wait 'til you see the dining room...



JOY: Are you freakin' kidding me with this?
JANET: I know. It begs the question— where are all the monks?
JOY: I'm starting to think that Cher is one smart chick…
JANET: Was there ever any doubt?
JOY: She's starting her own monastery.
JANET: Yeah— surrounding herself with hot young guys 'til she’s, like, in her late 90's.
JOY: Did you happen to notice the infinity pool out by the loggia?

{All photos: Architectural Digest}

JANET: Absolute brilliance.

You Do the Math

Source: livingetc

Ugly pillow + ugly pillow = lumpy couch and ottoman.

Seriously....

Source: domino

JANET: Ugh. Got any Tylenol?
JOY: Yup.

A Little Sing-Song

Source: elledecor

JOY: One of these things is not like the others...
JANET: One of these things just doesn't belong...
JOY: Can you tell us which thing is not like the others...
JANET: By the time we finish this song...

So, When Does the Show Start?

Source: pointclickhome

...'cuz we have front row seats!

Crazy Stylists!

Source: livingetc.

Another '48 Hours Mystery' just waiting to happen....

Barbie Overkill

Source: pointclickhome

JOY: Okay. So before we get started on this one, let's just say right here and right now that yeah-- we know. This is the 50th-Anniversary-Barbie-Real-Life-Malibu-Dream-House-Tribute-thing.
JANET: Whatever.
JOY: Let's just cut to the chase.
JANET: That Hair Chandelier.
JOY: Yeah. I wonder what synthetic hair singed by light bulbs smells like?
JANET: My guess? Gross. How does one clean a chandelier like that, anyway?
JOY: Uh, wash set & blow?
JANET: This is not really my idea of 'Barbie's Dream Light Fixture'.
JOY: More like Barbie's 'Fire Hazard Light Fixture'.
JANET: Yeah. I mean, we get it already with all the Barbie tchotchkes. The hair chandelier is really just--
JOY: Idiotic?
JANET: I was going to say overkill, but hey, that'll do.

It's a Bitch to Clean

Source: apt therapy

Uhm, yeah... no.

Git Along Pony

Source: pointclickhome

The ponies knew if they acted up they could easily become floor rugs like their predecessors...

Speechless?

Source: dezeen

We've sat on this beauty for days. We still don't know what to say....

If These Walls Could Talk

Source: Paule Hellstern for The New York Times

JOY: So, there are a lot of things that bother me about this kitchen—including the tile that goes all the way to the ceiling.
JANET: Yeah— the tile is probably the least of my worries if I step in there. Which I probably wouldn’t. That giant spider scares the hell out of me.
JOY: 'Tarantula' light fixtures - they're all the rage now.
JANET: Dare I ask who this kitchen belongs to?
JOY: Wayne Coyne, of the Flaming Lips.
JANET: Who?
JOY: Man, you’re out of the loop. The Flaming Lips. The Band?
JANET: Still nuthin’.
JOY: Whatever. Cool band, bad kitchen.
JANET: I can concur with kitchen bit, at least. But that floor. Just really… not good.
JOY: Linoleum. Don’t understand why it’s making a comeback.
JANET: Perhaps it’s the original floor.
JOY: Mm. What about the flea-collar'd cat?
JANET: I was wondering when you’d get to that.
JOY: It’s on the table. And it’s scratching itself. I gotta say, I don’t like that.
JANET: Yeah, well. Whatever. Cats do that sort of thing. But listen, I know that people don’t like upper cabinets in their kitchens these days, but I don’t know. Here the absence of them makes the whole room seem a little… off. Or maybe it’s that the only window I see is way too tiny. It’s starting to feel very ‘institutional’. What do you think?
JOY: I’m bored.
JANET: Aaaaaaaaaaaaand we're done.

Hmmm...

Source: dezeen

JANET: So really. Tell me where these chairs would look good.
JOY: Nowhere.
JANET: Yeah. That's what I thought...

Oh No You Didn't!

Source: InStyle

poll by twiigs.com

Seriously

Source: dezeen

How many muppets had to die to make this couch?

If These Walls Could Talk

Source: domino

JANET: Wow. I gotta say— I don’t even know where to start with this one…
JOY: Well, let’s start with the dead animal on the wall.
JANET: Why start with that one? What not start with the dead animal on the floor?
JOY: Again zebra-hater, I don’t actually mind a zebra skin rug. But I do find an alligator skin on the wall slightly icky.
JANET: Only slightly? I think it’s actually quite bizarre-- and not in the fun way. I mean ‘bizarre’ in the creepy, disturbing way.
JOY: I don’t know which is worse, actually— the alligator on the wall or that freakin’ wall paper.
JANET: It's all a bit much, isn't it?
JOY: Was there a sale? Like, buy ten rolls of ugly wallpaper and get the equally ugly matching fabric for free?
JANET: That’s really the only reasonable explanation for the upholstery.
JOY:What about that lamp?
JANET: The one in the corner? I think my Mom (and every other kid’s Mom) had that lamp in a basement rec room— you know— the one with the umbrella wicker shade?
JOY: Yup. What a freakin' dust catcher that was!
JANET: And what's with those giant Christmas ornaments?
JOY: What's with the rug-over-the-SHAG-rug, the badly-styled mantle—
JANET: Okay, now we’re just being bitchy.
JOY: Uhm, isn’t that the point?

Plumber Chic

Source: Houzz

Everybody's a designer aren't they? Plumbers seek design revenge.

Some People Just Don't Get It...

Source: livingetc

Aging bachelor Randy couldn't understand why people threw him pitying looks wherever he went... after all, he'd already found his perfect woman: half-naked, silent and two-dimensional.

In Case You Were Wondering...

Source: Houzz

...that blue blob in the middle of the room is a couch.

SERIOUSLY?

Source: garyspaindesign

JOY: You know what strikes me as funny about this room?
JANET: Uh, everything?
JOY: People are actually raving about this whole 'look.'
JANET: Ugh. Really?
JOY: They love it. But here's the thing, say I decorated my living room to look like this...
JANET: Ohmygawd-- I would think you had lost your freakin' mind.
JOY: Yes! And I wouldn't be able to walk the streets without people pointing and yelling--
JANET: "Hey, there goes 'Crazy Lady' with her Big Ball of Yarn!"

So....

Source: airspace

We're guessing that in this instance 'S' stands for sparse?

Prison for Wall Streeters Ain't So Tough...

Source: livingetc

Warden: Here you are Mr. Madoff, the White Collar Suite...

All Zebra'd Out...

JANET: Oh, Zebra Rug-- you don't fool me.
JOY: Huh?


Source: domino

JANET: Ooh, sorry. I was talking to the rug.
JOY: What do you mean, it doesn't fool you?
JANET: I mean I think it's time the zebra hide was relegated to 'design trick' status...
JOY: Oh, like you mean the zebra rug has 'jumped the shark'?
JANET: Yeah-- it's over. It's done. It's over-done. Ha.
JOY: So... you're saying it's like people are relying too much on 'Hey, let's pop a zebra rug in there and the room will be instantly cool'?


Source: domino

JANET: I'm saying I've had enough of the zebra rug. Do you hear me Zebra Rug?? I've had enough of you!
JOY: I don't know. I've always liked it. I still kinda like it, in fact...
JANET: I just think when you overdo a trend to that extent you totally kill it-- no pun intended, Zebra Rug.


Source: domino

JOY: Well, there's always cowhide...


Source: domino

JANET: Oh yeah-- that's much better.

Pondering a Peculiar Pouffe-iness

Source: livingetc

JOY: What is that?
JANET: A puff?
JOY: A pouffe?
JANET: A pouffe-y pink puff.
JOY: A puzzling profusion of puffery.
JANET: A perturbingly plump plethora of plumes.
JOY: Okay. That's enough.
JANET: Yeah, I'm all out of 'p' words anyway...

Oh No You Didn't!

Source: domino

poll by twiigs.com

Seriously....

Source: simplehomebasics

"Organized people are just too lazy to look for stuff."

Everyday Italian

Source: AD

JOY: This is a Chef's kitchen.
JANET: No it's not.
JOY: Yes it is.
JANET: No. It can't be-- if it was a Chef's kitchen it would look cooked in. Used.
JOY: I'm telling you-- it's Giada DeLaurentiis' kitchen.
JANET: Well then, where's the obligatory pot of sp'ghet-ti?
JOY: It's an A.D. shoot - they like everything sterile. You know, I do love me some Giada, but I gotta ask-- what about those boobs of hers?
JANET: What about 'em?
JOY: Well, why do they always have to be on display?
JANET: What the hell else do you want her to do with them?
JOY: Uh, cover them up already?
JANET: Aren't we supposed to be talking about her kitchen and not her boobs?
JOY: Seriously-- they're always just so front-and center.
JANET: Isn't that where they're supposed to be?
JOY: You know what I mean.
JANET: I think your boob envy is rearing it's ugly head again...
JOY: Yeah, whatever...

Our Heads Hurt

Via: desiretoinspire

We're laying odds that at least one guest in this dining room will suffer a seizure within an hour. All in?

A Novel Idea...

Source: livingetc

Eco-conscious Glenda, a struggling writer, found a novel use for her rejected manuscript...

Oh No You Didn't!

Source: California Home Design

poll by twiigs.com

How Trends Are Created...

Source: pointclickhome/maison+objets

Designer #1: Well. Here's a photo of a lovely 18th century lady. What d'ya wanna do with it?
Designer #2: I don't know... maybe put in on a pillow and start a new trend called 'French Romantics'?
Designer #1: Kewl. But we gotta angst it up a little. What if we photoshop a safety pin through her lip?
Designer #2: Nah. That's been done. We gotta do somethin' different.
Designer #1: Ooh, how about we stick a fork in her hair?
Designer #2: Brilliant. Welcome to the world, trend.

A Must Have!

Infomercial voice-over begins in 3... 2... 1...

Tired of emergency room visits, black eyes and broken bones all because your loved ones just can't agree on furniture placement?

Tired of hearing those endless "I want to look out the window!" "I want to watch TV!" arguments?

Well, we've got the answer to your furniture-placement woes with the new 'FaceWhateverTheHellWayYouWant' sectional sofa.


source: pointclickhome/maison+objets

It zigs. It zags. It makes it nearly impossible to figure out where to put the damn coffee table. But who cares? Now Dad can watch the fire while the kiddies watch age-inappropriate television and Mom gazes longingly out of the window dreaming of a better life somewhere else...

Time is limited - call now!

"I'll Cherish it Always..."

Source: loftlife mag

Tsk, tsk Thom Felicia... we're pretty sure The Academy didn't have this in mind when they gave you the award...

Dirty Minds vs. Clean Hands

Source: dailyhaha.com

We are wondering:

Did a man design this bathroom?
or
Did a woman design it to make sure all the men wash their hands before they leave?

If These Walls Could Talk

Via: apt therapy

JANET: WTF?!
JOY: Yeah— scary, isn’t it?
JANET: Was that shower-room a meat-locker in a former life?
JOY: Man, it just gives me chills... that’s a whole ‘48 Hours’ mystery right there.
JANET: Like, as in ‘What happened to the victim, officer? Oh— she got stuck in her meat-locker shower and died and horrible death.’
JOY: By the way, on that show, it’s always the wife or the husband who did it.
JANET: I can’t believe you watch that every week.
JOY: Can’t help it. Hopelessly addicted.
JANET: What’s with the torture-esque picture leaning by the cell— I mean shower—door?
JOY: I guess that’s one stylist’s attempt to pick up that hideous orange tile. Like seriously? Was there a sale on orange tile? I mean, at least if the was white tile, it would have more of a…
JANET: ‘One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest’ vibe? As opposed to a ‘Panic Room’ room vibe?
JOY: Yeah— I’d panic if I had to go in there, too.
JANET: Y’know, I think I’d rather reek than go in there.
JOY: So… you think there’s a light in there?
JANET: I’m not stepping in to find out.
JOY: Me neither.

Man, He Was a Real Prick...

Source: cribcandy

All through his daughter's teens, clever botanist Mr. Smith painstakingly nurtured 'special seating' for when suitors came to call...

Oh No You Didn't!

Source: Todd Selby Photography

Just what exactly is going on here?

poll by twiigs.com

So....

Source: apt therapy

JANET: You know what I think?
JOY: What?
JANET: If they just move that net thingy a little to the right--
JOY: They'll finally catch that dog?
JANET: Yup.

All Fun & Games 'til Someone Gets Hurt

Source: Houzz.com

...and in the next shot he drop-kicks her.

It's All About Timing

Husband: Wanna see what else I did this weekend?
Wife: I don't know. Do I?
Husband: It's in the kitchen. Remember those hats we brought home from the Carribean? The ones we didn't know what to do with? The ones you wanted to throw on the fire?
Wife: Oh gawd... what did you do?
Husband: I recycled them-- look:


Source: livingetc.

Wife: I shoulda burned those suckers when I had the chance...

Oh No You Didn't!

Source: Elle Decor

poll by twiigs.com

It's All About LOVE

Source: livingetc.

HUSBAND: Surprise, honey! I totally redid our LOVE nest while you were away visiting your mother this weekend!
WIFE: Where are the doors to the bathroom?
HUSBAND: I even got you some red roses. I just LOVE you so much...
WIFE: Where are the doors to the bathroom??
HUSBAND: I really missed you honey... do you have any idea how much I LOVE you?
WIFE: Where are the doors to the freakin' bathroom???
HUSBAND: It's our LOVE nest. Who needs doors?
WIFE: I do.
HUSBAND: But... if you really LOVEd me you'd want to share my Manly Essence.
WIFE: Yeah, right. Like I should have to deal with that.
HUSBAND: Are you saying you don't LOVE me?
WIFE: What I'm saying is this: if you don't hang some doors in here asap you won't be sharing my Womanly Anything.
HUSBAND: Wellalrightythen... two doors coming right up!

If These Walls Could Talk

Source: Domino

JOY: Eew-- this must be from the ‘Country Living Goth’ edition...
JANET: Yeah. I think I might have missed that one.
JOY: The quilt at the end of the bed is totally circa 1983.
JANET: Who cares about the quilt? I can’t deal with that wallpaper!
JOY: Why? What could possibly be more relaxing than black toile wallpaper in a bedroom?
JANET: Oh, I dunno… how’s about a bright red lamp with a hideous purple shade?
JOY: I hate purple. And I hate purple and red together even more.
JANET: It’s all a bit creepy… it actually reminds me of those ‘Flowers in the Attic’ books.
JOY: Oh my gawd… yes! That was some weird shit, man.
JANET: I bet if you opened that door a bit wider, you’d find a homicidal Grandmother…
JOY: Standing there with a pot of warm tar in one hand…
JANET: And a tray of arsenic-laced doughnuts in the other.

Hmmmm....

Source: livingetc.

Looks like somebody's getting lucky tonight....

Man, We Miss Domino

Source: Domino

poll by twiigs.com