Well, What Can We Say?...

Source: domino



You had us up until the rather foreboding and ill-proportioned
transport truck photo.

Please, Take a Seat...

Source: domino

Adrian Grenier... we must all suffer dinner guests we don't particularly care for from time to time, but must you be so obvious about it?

If This Shower Could Talk

Source: domino

JANET: Uhm, this isn't really a room. You know, with walls?
JOY: Yeah, but we can still talk about it. Trust me.
JANET: Why do I suspect there's something you want to say about outdoor showers?
JOY: My feelings are this— yes, perhaps at first glance, they look cool—I mean, it's an outdoor shower– So Sexy... Ya-da-ya-da-ya-da.
JANET: I feel a 'but' coming on...
JOY: BUT, in all practicality this is NOT a shower for anyone over, let's say, our age.
JANET: I think I'm seeing your point...
JOY: Hey, for the 20 year-old set it’s great. Get in there, and throw back your pretty li'l head, lather your lithe little self up, let the water cascade down your tight, unwrinkled body...
JANET: Work it baby, work it!
JOY: But seriously. For anyone our age it becomes a freakin' outdoor car wash.
JANET: And I've got waaaaaaaaaay too much junk-in-the-trunk, if you know what I mean.
JOY: I'm not parkin' myself in there either. So suddenly the 'sexy outdoor shower' idea? Not so much sexy anymore.
JANET: I think caftans are sexy.
JOY: Caftans rock. So let's make a pact: when we buy our side-by-side houses in Turks & Caicos that have outdoor showers like this, we are totally ripping them out.
JANET: Done deal...

Again With the Wheels in Decor!

Source: LivingEtc

JANET: You know what really bugs me?
JOY: What, my dear?
JANET: Unicycles as decor.
JOY: Yeah, what's with that?
JANET: Do stylists think it denotes fun and quirkiness?
JOY: I say it denotes annoyance and irritation.

Re-Purposing... on Purpose

Source: livingetc

We're guessing the conversation went something like this--

(Yelling from other room)
Hunnnn, have you seen my bike? ....
What bike?
You know... my old ten speed, the one I love - the one you hate.
No, why?...

If This Couch Could Talk

Source: notebookmagazine .com

JANET: Oh. My. Goodness. What is with that couch?
JOY: I thought you might, uhm, appreciate it.
JANET: Appreciate that it's ugly, you mean?
JOY: I knew I could count on you.
JANET: It's a lovely space, and the rest of it is reasonably well done… but that couch? Nasty!
JOY: No word of a lie, my grandparents had one just like it in their basement. On our obligatory Sunday afternoon visits, my sister and I would head down there in our gouchos and clogs, suckin' on our Lik-a-Stix and Pop Rocks. And even then we considered that couch ugly!
JANET: Ooh, Lik-a-Stix! Loved that powder-- I always ate it right out of the pack. But that stupid stick tasted like wax! And Pop Rocks just scared me. I always felt like I would swallow one by accident and it would explode in my throat and choke me.
JOY: Hm. Pop Rocks phobia. Don't think I’ve ever heard of that one before.
JANET: What can I say? I'm unique.
JOY: Well, you're something. Can we focus on the now, dahling?
JANET: I s'pose. Okay, soooooo... I'm thinking this has got to be the work of an avant-garde designer. Or someone with no budget whatsoever. Notice how they've 'updated' the couch by adding a shiny brushed metal platform underneath it?
JOY: Yeah. That's 'cuz the legs fell off-- in 1973!!
JANET: And now it's 2009 and guess what? That couch is still ugly!
JOY: It is, but maybe we shouldn't be so harsh. Maybe these people are avid recyclers— maybe they're saving the earth... one couch at a time. Y'know, 'going green'. Ha. Pun intended.
JANET: Clever. Listen, I'm big on saving the earth too, just not so big on saving that couch. Some things should be left in 1973.
JOY: Yeah-- that couch, gouchos and clogs...

Where's the Pinot Grigio?

Source: Apartment Therapy

JOY: Looky here…
JANET: Is that what I think it is?
JOY: Oh yes. It's a wine cellar – under the kitchen floor – with a trap door.
JANET: Those stairs frighten me.
JOY: Yeah, you don't want to be goin' down there drunk.
JANET: "Who's getting the next bottle of wine?" ... Not me.

If These Walls Could Talk...

Source: Gourmet Mag '08



JANET: This is a cool kitchen.
JOY: Isn't it? You know how I love my open shelving. Gotta get me some of that open shelving...
JANET: Yeah, but there are drawbacks...
JOY: Dust being one of them?
JANET: You'd be in there steady with your feather duster.
JOY: Please, who uses a feather duster? That thing just redistributes the dust.
JANET: True. What's with the note?
JOY: Not sure. It says "Thanks for your sagacity". And then it's signed by 'Norm'.
JANET: I know what 'sagacity' means.
JOY: But of course you do!
JANET: It refers to level headedness or reasonableness.
JOY: Well, I'll tell you what I would write on there...
JANET: What?
JOY: Big notes like "PLATES HERE" ... "GLASSES HERE" ... "BOWLS HERE"
JANET: Your sagacity scares me.
JOY: I'll take that as a compliment.

Things That Make Us Go Hmmm...

Is it just us, or is there a deeper Freudian meaning happening in this photo?

Desperate Times Call for Desperate Measures

Source: Mocoloco

Clever as this may seem, we assure you this is no way to snare yourself a man.

Big Picture, Big Headache

Source: livingetc

Who thinks putting a giant picture of a depressed Christopher Walken look-a-like in a nursery is a good idea?

But How Does This Make You FEEL?

via: apartment therapy (no pun intended)

JOY: So can you guess what this is?
JANET: Your grandmother's living room.
JOY: Nope. It's a photo of a NYC psychoanalyst's office.
JANET: Bugger off. It is not.
JOY: Seriously.
JANET: Geez, you might just need more help after getting out of there.

Odd, Just Odd

Source: Elle Decor

Please sit down, relax and have some tea... and oh-- watch out for the Giant Ninja Throwing Star!

If These {Bathroom Walls} Could Talk

Source: Domino

JOY: My first reaction to this whole thing is a shudder. Eeeew!
JANET: I can't imagine why... who doesn't want germ-infested wall-to-wall carpeting and a cowhide in their bathroom-cum-closet?
JOY: Yeah. Uhm, me. There is no way I would want to step out of that tub onto that hairy animal's back.
JANET: What about the strangeness of the working bathroom hardware (read: TOILET) in the space where I'm supposed to be getting dressed? Not to be gross, but the last time I checked, odours tended linger in bathrooms. And in fabrics.
JOY: Gotcha. And you are being gross. But seriously, back to the carpet. Did we not all agree that carpet in a bathroom was unsanitary? Disgusting?? And here there's not just one but two. TWO!
JANET: You think space might be an issue here? If the clothes have to be kept in the bathroom, why could there not be, like, doors on the closet at least?
JOY: As soon as one drop of water hits that cowskin rug, it's going to reek like wet cow. And trust me-- that's worse than wet dog.
JANET: Oh for shit's sake-- how would you know? Are you hiding a cow somewhere that I don't know about?
JOY: Maybe I am. Really though, it's gotta be worse. How can it be better?
JANET: Can we get off the freakin' carpet already?
JOY: I'd like to, but we're STANDING on it... I can't believe I took off my shooooooes!
JANET: Relax, I'll draw you a nice hot bath to calm you down... and pull a Howie Mandel and completely cover the floor with germ-free towelling.
JOY: I'm outta here.

When is a Chandelier not a Chandelier?

JOY: Ahh the rich, they really know how to do it up big, don't they?
JANET: This is doing it up? This is big? I don't think so. It makes me want to break out in Christopher Cross's "Sailing...takes me awaaaaay to where I'm goin'...."

Source: Elle Decor

JOY: I ask you, why can't a chandelier just be a chandelier? Why do they have to screw with it like that?
JANET: Cuz they're rich. And they can.
JOY: You're absolutely right. When we get filthy rich (UNIVERSE, ARE YOU LISTENING?)  please shoot me if I bring something like this home...

Source: elitechoice.org

JANET: Okay, I'll shoot you. With the chandelier gun. But please don't ask me to use that other thing as a weapon. I wouldn't know what to do with it.

JOY: Yeah, right.

What's For Breakfast? Toe Jam.

Source: Apartment Therapy

What's that? You need to use the bathroom? Yes, sure - just step over MY KITCHEN COUNTER, it's upstairs.

The 'Circus-Inspired' Trend

JOY: You're never gonna believe this one.
JANET: What?
JOY: Livingetc is trying to make us believe that the newest, hottest thing is circus-inspired decor.

JANET: Yeah, right. What do they think, we're idiots?
JOY: They believe it's, and I quote-- "ushering in a new trend for fun, colour and loads of show-stopping charm."
Why just look at this lovely example they show on their website...

JANET: Blechhh... Ooops, I think I just threw up in my mouth a little.
JOY: Nice. How 'bout this quirky set-up?

JANET: Please, I don't even like bowler hats when they're ON people, I certainly don't want to see them hanging from my ceiling--
JOY: and LIT nonetheless. But give this a chance....look, all you need is a carnival horse, a steel baby crib on wheels, a few ill-placed balloons and you're set!

JANET: ABRACADABRA--

JOY: It's ugly!

All Photos: livingetc.

If These Walls Could Talk

Source: AD

JANET: Okay, so what do we have here?
JOY: This, my dear, is Dennis Quaid’s bathroom.
JANET: Hm, I have to say right off the bat, it doesn’t look sooo bad...
JOY: Well, I suppose. Until you start looking at scale.
JANET: I guess…that teeny tiny table and that massive mirror seem to be a bit off.
JOY: And I just hope that the neighbors can’t see in that window!
JANET: You mean the window-slash-mirror?
JOY: Yeah, whatever. Seriously, this entire room looks like it was put together just for this photo shoot – and rather badly, I might add.
Janet: I think the stylist called in sick that day.
JOY: So true- where is the requisite softness? The fluffy textiles? The warm glow of the candles that should be lit. I mean that’s just styling 101 stuff!
JANET: And have you looked at those sconces? Could they be any smaller?
JOY: I dunno, Chandler. I am perhaps not as concerned with the sconces as I should be, because I can’t seem to tear my eyes away from the SCRUNCHIES.
JANET: I count five. Five scrunchies. Ha. Ha. Ha.
JOY: But the question is, why is the corner of Dennis Quaid’s vanity sticking so obtrusively into the photo?
JANET: You wanna know what I think? I think Dennis sent in the photo himself. "Hey Architectural Digest, can you feature my fabulous luxurious bathroom? I’m having a bit of a publicity lull just now…"
JOY: Some people will do anything for attention.

Top Ten Things That Annoy Us (apart from our husbands)

#1: Really ugly wallpaper


#2: Dead animals on walls


#3: Fake dead animals on walls


#4: Dead animals under glass


#5: Dead fish on walls


#6: 'Quirky' chairs


#7: 'Quirky' houses


#8: Rugs over rugs (in bathrooms!)


#9: Murals


#10: Art shaped like 'kung-fu' posed cartoon characters


Sources: #1-5 Domino #6 Distant Origin #7 Bing.com #8-9 Domino #10-AD

If These Walls Could Talk

Source: AD

JOY: I will give you three guesses as to who this house belongs to...
JANET: The Queen.
JOY: No.
JANET: Joan Collins.
JOY: No.
JANET: Oh, I know! Donald Trump.
JOY: Negative my dear. Although it is a man.
JANET: Hmmm, pretty hoity-toity for a man. Okay, I give.
JOY: You are NEVER going to believe this.
JANET: Spill already!
JOY: Mickey Rourke.
JANET: Mickey Rourke?
JOY: Yup.
JANET: The Mickey Rourke - of 9 ½ Weeks fame?
JOY: Yup.
JANET: The "feed–me-food-blindfolded" Mickey Rourke?
JOY: Affirmative.
JANET: The Mickey Rourke whose face now looks COMPLETELY different – and kinda scary?
JOY: That would be him.
JANET: The Mickey Rourke whom I thought lived in a trailer?
JOY: Don’t know how many times I have to confirm this...
JANET: But this room...it’s so-
JOY: Grandious?
JANET: Yup.
JOY: Garish?
JANET: Quite.
JOY: GOLD?
JANET: Yes, and all of those words starting with the letter G – how talented of you.
JOY: Gracias.
JANET: So we are supposed to believe that this is where Mickey Rourke chills out?
JOY: Yup, right there on that couch that looks like it belongs on the set of Dynasty.
JANET: Yes, enjoying a Baccarat glass full of the best whiskey ‘residuals’ money can buy - listening to--
JOY: "You Can Leave Your Hat On"....

Grunge or Gross?

JOY: Whaddaya think of these lovely antiques that have been 'grafittied' - I just made that word up btw.
JANET: Who would do that to what was probably a really nice piece?

JOY: Jimmie Martin from the U.K.
JANET: Is he crazy?
JOY: Yeah, crazy like a fox. His work is selling like mad.

JANET: I'm getting you this one for your upcoming birthday...

JOY: Thanks, my husband will love it.

JANET: Ooooh, look at this one...
JOY: It's the side of Prince Charles we've never seen before.
JANET: Yeah, and never want to see again.

Tell us, is this your cuppa tea?...

More Things You Never Knew About the Moggers

If you've read this , you may want to read this:

(*ED NOTE: This was written by JANET)


-Joy is older than Janet-- by three months
-Janet will always be younger than Joy (!)
-Joy needs to drive-- even when travelling in Janet's vehicle
-Janet says 'Whatever' to that
-Joy knows how to do a donut-- in a car.
-Janet knows how to eat a donut-- in a car.
-Joy is built like a supermodel
-Janet is built like... well, NOT a supermodel
-Joy tries to convince Janet that she too has problems (with her supermodel body) trying to find clothes that 'fit and look good'
-Janet says 'Yeah, right'
-Joy has a TON of fashion sense
-Janet has about 1/2 an ounce of fashion sense
-Joy is often Janet's stylist
-Janet says 'Thank gawd!' for that
-Joy is a 'Sex and the City'-ophile
-Janet-- notsomuch (She hasn't even seen the movie yet. I know.)
-Joy is pretty much like 'Carrie'
-Janet is pretty much like 'Charlotte'
-They have two other friends who are pretty much like Miranda and Samatha. Seriously. They really do. (Yes-- Samantha!)
-Joy adores Steven Tyler (as well as Mick Jagger though she likes Keith (eeew!) better) AND she does too have weird obsessions with Regis Philbin and Larry King
-Janet adores George Clooney more than Joy ever will (and he in his turn will adore her when they finally meet as fate has decreed)
-Joy loves Janet's homemade Ceasar Salad and Chocolate Chip Cookies
-Janet tries to feed her copious amounts of both as often as she can
-Joy however, remains irritatingly supermodel-ish
-Janet-- notsomuch

We Just Don't Get It...

Source: Domino

JANET: Prepare thyself. We may well be hated after we talk about this one...
JOY: Ooh. That sounds like fun!
JANET: Okay, so here we go... the entire bloggy universe seems to be abuzz about this blue and white bedroom in Mary McDonald’s guest house.
JOY: Who’s Mary McDonald?
JANET: Quite a brilliant designer, from what I've gathered.
JOY: Well... brilliant designer or no, it's gotta be said: this is a lot of blue. And that particular shade is ‘Royal’.
JANET: Yeah, take-your-eye-out ‘Royal’. My question is, why anyone would think using it at all-- let alone so much of it-- would be a good idea?
JOY: Listen, clearly this Mary McDonald is no idiot. This is her guest house. She knows no one in their right mind would stay more than two days.
JANET: Two days? More like two hours! This room would drive me insane! You do realize that everyone else seems to love it? Except us?
JOY: Seriously?
JANET: Seriously. Apparently, it’s genius. Inspired.
JOY: Seriously??
JANET: Seriously! And I truly think we may be the only ones who don’t get it-- it’s like we have front row seats at some Haute Couture fashion show, and the models are going down the runway in Marie Antionette hair-do’s and micro-miniskirts and fourteen inch heels and everybody else is raving about the genius of it all, and we’re like "Whaaaa????" I mean honestly, are we idiots or what?
JOY: That's a leading question. Uhm, are you by chance pms-ing?
JANET: Is it that obvious?
JOY: Yeah. But your hormones don't alter the fact that We. Just. Don’t. Get. This. Room.
JANET: Thank-you. And brilliant designer types can tell us all about form and symmetry and flow and proportion and whatever… but when it comes down to it, who really wants to spend time in a space like that looks like this?
JOY: Well, clearly Mary McDonald doesn’t, because it’s not in her own house, it’s in her guest house.
JANET: So here's the thing: I cannot help but think— and maybe I’m just being cynical because I am, in fact, as you so kindly pointed out, PMS-ing— that if this was a design done by some student on some ‘I Wanna Be the Next Big Designer’ show, it would be summarily ripped apart by the semi-celebrity judges for being too monochromatic.
JOY: So what you’re saying is what? Either we’re alone in the universe, or we represent the great unwashed masses who can't imagine doing this to a room because they don’t have the cash to change their décor every five minutes? Because let’s face it-- there is no way you would not get sick of this. Really fast.
JANET: Precisely. Wanna know what else I think?
JOY: Do I have a choice?
JANET: No. PMS-ing, remember??
JOY: Oh yeah. What?
JANET: I think design is like figure skating at the Olympics.
JOY: You mean like the Russian judge gives a 9.9 to the Russian skater even if she falls down?
JANET: Da.
JOY: So right now you think everyone else is being a Russian judge. I get it. But we have to let this one go now...
JANET: Wait! Just lemme say one more thing--
JOY: No. You're done. C'mon, let's go get some chocolate.
JANET: But it's so-- hey, did you just say CHOCOLATE?
Source: domino

If These Walls Could Talk

Source: marthastewart.com
JOY: Look at what I found.
JANET: Oh, wow. Is this your version of heaven, my little coffeehound?
JOY: Nope. It's my version of porn!
JANET: Hm, I can definitely see how all this coffee paraphernalia would get you all worked up. Especially that HUGE cappuccino machine with all those delightful attachments.
JOY: Please. What girl doesn't love a huge machine? Especially when it spurts out coffee??
JANET: Point taken.
JOY: I think what may excite me almost as much as the prospect of all that caffeine is the functionality of all that fabulous open shelving.
JANET: You know how I feel about open shelving. Dust on my dishes does not appeal to me. Neither does dusting said dishes every five minutes.
JOY: Easy, Howard Hughes.
JANET: Whose kitchen is it, by the way?
JOY: Seriously, do you have to ask? Who else would have her coffee corner organized in such minute and orderly detail??
JANET: Ooh. It's Martha's. Okay. She can afford to have someone stand there all day with swiffer in hand.
JOY: She's Martha. Why wouldn't she?
JANET: Tsk, tsk, Martha! Those cappuccino cups on top of the machine are a little... askew.
JOY: Uh-oh... Somebody's gonna get fired!
JANET: Yeah. And we're probably gonna get sued for saying that.
JOY/JANET: Just kidding, Martha. We love (read:fear) you!

If These Walls Could Talk

JOY: George, I love you.
JANET: We BOTH love you.
JOY: We love seeing you relax in your fabulous Lake Como house...
JANET: Yup, making us a cup of tea...
JOY: We’re lovin’ the open shelving in that kitchen of yours...
JANET: Yup. Lovin’ the storage jars filled with all of that pasta you’re going to cook up for us.
JOY: We’re loving the marble counter tops-
JANET: Yes! They’re massive. Much like your fore arms.
JOY: But George, the microwave. The white microwave.
JANET: What were you THINKIN?...
JOY: Was there a sale at Italy’s version of WalMart? Do they not sell stainless steel appliances? Something a little more chic?
JANET: This is Italy we’re talking about. Everything in Italy reeks of chic-ness.
JOY: Except that microwave.
JANET: Come to think about it-
JOY: ...the counter is crammed with shitty appliances?
JANET: You took the words right out of my mouth.
JOY: I guess this is the quintessential man’s way of decorating a kitchen...
JANET: Yeah, just ram it all on there.
JOY: With no consideration for how it looks...
JANET: Toaster.
JOY: Check.
JANET: Blender.
JOY: Check.
JANET: Kettle.
JOY: Check.
JANET: Pannini maker.
JOY: Check. Even though you’re only going to use it once and then realize how ridiculous it is.
JANET: So true.
JOY: The man is a bazillionaire. Why on earth is he even leaving such a monstrosity out on the counter whose only purpose is making a glorified grilled cheese?
JANET: And why then does he also need a microwave?
JOY: For Pizza Pockets.
JANET: This man needs help.
JOY: George, call us.

Things You Never Knew About the Moggers

-We have known each other since 5 years of age
-This year marks our 35th year of friendship
-We have never gotten in a fight (with fists or otherwise)
-Strangers mistake us for sisters allthetime
- Janet drinks green tea and the occasional vodka cooler
- Joy drinks copious amounts of coffee and the {very occasional} bottle of white wine
- Janet drives painfully slow
- Joy drives painfully fast
- Janet is the brains
- Joy is the brawn
- Janet went to a new hairdresser and came out looking fabulous
- Joy went to the same hairdresser and came out looking the same ($120 later)
- Janet loves chocolate
- Joy hates it (Oh come on, I'm kidding)
- Janet has many talents
- Joy notsomuch
- Janet listens to Christmas music in the car starting in September and likes it
- Joy thinks that's just weird
- Janet likes Tony Bennett
- Joy likes Keith Richards and Tony Bennett (why should one have to choose?)
- Janet likes the english dude from Bridget Jones Diary (not Hugh Grant, the other guy)
- Joy likes George Clooney
- Janet likes George Clooney too
- Joy likes him more (you can't choose 2 people here - new rule)
- Janet thinks Joy has weird obsessions with Regis Philbin and Larry King
- Joy says "What of it?"
- Janet likes reading romance novels!!!!
- Joy knows she's going to get in BIG MUCH trouble for divulging that...

The Truth, Fictitious Floridian Godmothers & Chintz

Source: AD

JOY: Behold, Janet.
JANET: Oooh. Lovely. Who does this belong to?
JOY: My little known Floridian Godmother.
JANET: Oh come on! You don’t have a Floridian Godmother. Tell me the truth.
JOY: You can’t handle the truth!
JANET: Try me, Jack.
JOY: It’s yet another gem from Architectural Digest.
JANET: You know what? You’re right. I can’t handle the truth.
JOY: It’s from the March 2009 issue.
JANET: Okay. Seriously. Has AD been taken over by some Alien Decorating Mothership?
JOY: Either that or these people are stuck in a time warp.
JANET: Well, time warp or aliens or whatever, there is ALOT going on in this room.
JOY: Yeah, a lot of pillows, a lot of checks and a lot of chintz.
JANET: A lot of ugly chintz… y’know, I bet if we cleared away half of the junk, this room would look twice as good.
JOY: At least.
JANET: Think your Floridian Godmother would go for it?
JOY: Doubt it…

We Are {Almost} Speechless...

JANET: W.T.F is this?
JOY: Doesn't this photo look like it’s straight from 1978?
JANET: It’s not?
JOY: Not only is it not-- it's from this month's issue of Architectural Digest.
JANET: You’ve gotta be shittin’ me.
JOY: I shit you not.
JANET: This, we're supposed to believe is cutting-edge design?
JOY: Apparently AD thinks so.
JANET: I miss Domino.
JOY: Yeah. How does Conde Naste(y) get rid of Domino and then try to shove this crap down our throats?
JANET: It defies logic. It really does.
JOY: Seriously, AD wants former Domino subscribers to jump on board with this and stay loyal to Conde Naste?
JANET: I don't f*&%ing think so!
JOY: That quilted rose-covered couch is more than I can bear.
JANET: The matching curtains are more than I can bear.
JOY: What kind of a couch is that anyway?
JANET: It’s a party on each end with nothing in the middle.
JOY: And what’s with the Hello Kitty-esque tchochtke on the table? Seriously!
JANET: Odd choice for an accent piece...
JOY: I am truly at a loss for words here.
JANET: Really? It doesn’t seem like it.

JOY: Look-- the matching bed!
JANET: If I wasn't seeing it, I wouldn't believe it.
JOY: Oh, believe it. And look below...



JANET: Stop it already – I’m going to have to seek therapy as it is.
JOY: But, wouldn’t you love to have a dog vase adorning the top of your table?
JANET: Maybe he and the Hello Kitty can hook up.
JOY: I wonder if this is from the same house as the couch and bed?
JANET: It’s got to be – no two people could have such a similar amount of bad taste.
JOY: I just want to thank the good people at AD and Conde Naste for firing me up today. I needed that.
JANET: Yes, perhaps we should just look at it as more fodder for us.
JOY: Always looking on the bright side – that’s what I love about you.
Source: All Photos Architectural Digest